14 tips for Helping Children with Emotional Intelligence
Children with higher emotional
intelligence are more likely to be sociable, cooperative, optimistic and able
to solve problems. They tend to be better-behaved, less impulsive, and have a
higher academic performance. They are happier, have more friends and are more
likely to be successful in life. So there is a big impact on what we do as
parents.
So what can we do to help our
children develop emotional intelligence?
1. Accept our children’s emotions
and emotional responses
‘That must have been really
frustrating’ ‘Wow, you are showing me how angry you feel’ ‘That’s great, I can
tell how excited you are’ ‘it can be tough when friends let you down like
that.’ ‘You look pretty upset. Something must have happened,’
2. Help them label their emotions.
‘You sound upset’, ‘you look really
down’, ‘I’m guessing you’re feeling really sad about that’ ‘You’re looking a
bit worried’. I imagine you must be feeling….’ ‘That must have hurt’
3. Encourage children to talk about
their feelings
‘Hey, you sound really fed up about
that. Do you want to talk about it? ‘How did that make you feel?
4. Help them to recognise cues as to
how other people may be feeling
‘How do you think that made him
feel?’ ‘What do you think was going on for her?’ ‘How would you feel if that
happened to you?’
5. Help children be aware when their
tension is building and what creates stress for them.
‘Are you finding this stressful?’
‘There seems to be a lot going on for you at the moment –are you feeling
tense?’ ‘I can see from the way you are clenching your jaw that you are feeling
angry’
6. Teach them how to calm themselves
down.
‘Do you think a bit of time to calm
down would help?’ ‘Would it help if you took some deep breaths?’ “When that
happens again could you say to yourself: ‘I can stay calm’ ‘Everyone makes
mistakes’ or ‘It was an accident’” ‘Shall we sit down later when you’ve had a
chance to cool off and have a chat about it?
7. Teach children alternative ways
of expressing their frustrations
‘How could you explain how you feel
using your words rather than hitting?’ ‘Can you think of a different way to let
him know how angry you are?’ ‘I don’t like feeling blamed. If you want
something you will need to tell me in another way’. ‘Could tell your friend how
that made you feel?’ ‘What do you think you will do next time you feel like
that?’
8. Teach them how to problem solve
‘Shall we write down a whole list of
things that could help, and then you could choose which you want to try first’
‘What do you think would happen if you did that?’ ‘How do you think he’d
respond to that?’
9. Teach children positive self-talk
“When you are feeling like that what
could you say? : ‘I can handle this’ ‘I can do it’ ‘I just need to do my best’
‘every day I am getting better and better’ ‘I deserve to be happy’ ‘I love a challenge’
‘This is going to need my best effort’”
10. Recognise what motivates them to
perform at their best
‘What do you think you could say at
the start of the day that would help you feel more positive?’ ‘I’ve noticed
that when things get difficult you just keep trying’ ‘I can see that once you
have a goal, you don’t give up until you’ve reached it’ ‘You said you would do
it….and you did’ ‘I like the way you have planned everything you need to revise
for your exam’
11. Teach children to listen and
talk in ways that enables them to resolve conflicts and negotiate win-win
solutions
‘How can we sort this out so that we
are both happy?’ ‘What do you think she wants?’
‘What would be a good solution so
you can both get what you need?’ ‘How could you explain that in a way she could
hear?’ ‘I like it when you use ‘I messages’ rather than blaming me’
12. Comment when our children show
self-control
‘You handled yourself really well
just now’ ‘I like the way you stayed calm when he was raising his voice -That
showed a lot of self-control’ ‘I was impressed with the way you used your words
and kept your hands to yourself!’ ‘you really stayed calm when you were doing
that puzzle, even when you couldn’t find the right piece –you just kept on
trying –that was impressive’
13. Talk about our own feelings
‘I’m feeling really fed up about all
the mess around the house’ ‘I feel so frustrated when I start to say something
and you interrupt’ ‘I get really worried when you don’t come home from school
at the normal time’ ‘I love it when I come home to a tidy kitchen.’ ‘I’m
feeling a bit low…I think I’ll organise a night out with my friends’
14. Model how to remain calm and in
control when we are angry
‘I’ve had a rough day at work – can
we talk about this later when I’ve had a chance to cool off?’ ‘I don’t like the
way you’re talking, and I’m not prepared to sit here and listen to comments
like that’. ‘Hey, there’s something I’d like to talk about, is now a good time
to talk?’ ‘I can feel myself getting angry; maybe we’d better go home’
What do you do to help your child
develop the ability to understand their feelings or those of others and help
them get on with other people?
Inspired from the valuable source sixseconds